I always get excited when I walk out to the mailbox and see a tonne of catalogues, that is until I realise it’s Mother’s Day and they are all filled with the same crap that quite honestly when gifted to mum screams I ran out of time, forgot and rushed to the shop to get you the 7th edition of a ‘worlds best mum’ mug!
Seriously this is your Mum! The person who carried you, birthed you, raised you and probably sacrificed her figure and bladder control for you! Does she really deserve a $10 nighty or fluffy slippers NO!
Here are 5 things Mum probably does want this Mother’s Day:
1. Booze…and lots of it!
Let’s not beat around the bush. Chances are more than a glass and a half of something strong has got mum through most of your life to date. So if you turn up with flowers and no Baileys, gin or bubbles, hang your head in shame!
2. An expensive…something
While a 10$ night gown will have Mum going ‘ohhhh it’s the thought that counts’ a Louis Vuitton bag will actually have Mum bouncing off the walls with happiness! I know what you’re saying…the cost. But seriously it you have to remortgage the house, so be it…it’s your mum!
Now I know this is a common one but I’m not talking about ‘here you go Mum sleep til 7.15’ woo bloody hoo you just gained 15 minutes of restless sleep you haven’t had in the last …insert child’s age here! No I’m talking see ya later you’ve just won 6 months of time on hold, not going to miss a thing, but you can actually sleep kinda rest! An off to the island of your dreams including cocktails kinda thing… see you when you’ve actually unwound and slept through that anxiety of not preparing book week outfits kinda rest! (Note: This May be hard…but so is Louis Vuitton so …work on it peeps!)
4. A nice day out
Please don’t ask mum ‘what would you like to do?!’ Are you serious! Like we don’t make EVERY other decision for the house!Picture this… mum wakes up and is showered with gifts then swept off to a location that everyone knows she likes (but you decided on it), and you embark on a wonderful afternoon of family times, where all members of the family laugh and share loving exchanges across the table without a fight or a complaint…ok perhaps I’ve watched too much Brady Bunch but try it!!!
5. Game of thrones – the box set
Stay with me here…it takes exactly 2days 15 hours and 30 minutes to watch the current seasons of GoT. That’s a hell of a lot of time for mum to absorb herself in the problems of Westeros and who should sit on the iron throne rather than who’s wearing socks, has their jumper on the right way and did a poo today!
It’s all about choices – happy Mother’s Day and may the gift forces be with you, because of its bad, you’ll know about it next year!