Have we got looking for love all wrong?

Ladies (and Gents)….we need to have a chat!

I happened to grab the first episode of season 3 of “Married at first sight” last night, and while I was pleasantly surprised that the social experiment show was more than watchable, something grabbed my attention and now it’s bugging me!

In the middle of being swept up in a wind of emotion watching 2 people put their hearts on the line in a blind love audition on national television I was a taken back when the brides and bridemaids of one of the weddings got together for their own debrief and made the comment “thank god he’s tall”!

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Whoa! Hold up! Here’s the thing. I am constantly hearing from around the Aussie grapevine, how hard it is to find someone these days! Girls are complaining that there is a “man-drought”. Now while statistically there is a slightly larger female to male ratio in Sydney, overall there is no “man-drought” in Australia!

Equally I keep hearing that solid chicks are too hard to find these days. They want too much, are almost too empowered and seem to think they are somewhat higher than most of the fellas they come across.

 So here’s my question Australia, have we become ridiculous in our expectations of “the one”? And could that be the reason so many people are saying finding “the one” is almost impossible.

The reason the height comment really struck me is because that’s exactly what I used to be like. A young, pretty 19 years old, I had a list as long as my arm on pre-requisites of the perfect guy, one and the most important of which was he must be tall! In fact so much so that when I went on to date my now ex-husband I made sure that I sized him up with a stellar pair of heels before proceeding to the dating stage!

Now you’re probably saying, if he is now an ex-husband, I simply can’t be an authority on relationships, but that’s exactly why I can. Here’s my point, our standards are too high and all wrong. Rather than looking for someone who we build a friendship with, who has a great rapport that you can work with, we are looking for someone who ticks all the boxes straight up and fits into our vision. Well sorry but that’s not how it works!

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We all know that there’s more to relationships than height, looks and occupation but are we really feeling it? While most of us say oh I would be flexible if he is “the one”, we are not really being open minded to what “the one” really is! Of course I’m not saying you shouldn’t have standards and wants, what I’m saying is perhaps we need to be a little more open minded on the list of requirements and open to changing our thoughts through attraction.

It amazes me that so many people are willing to put their hearts and emotions on the line for a crack at love on a reality TV show yet aren’t willing to think laterally about their criteria in a pub or around new friends. Despite the fact that the odds are greatly stacked against you in the Bachelor house, it’s indicative that the attraction of potential fame is higher than the real search for love.

So when you are putting together your extremely detailed list of what you want in “the one” just remember a few things:

Change is unavioidable:

Be it height, hair colour, his long locks or successful jobs, things can always change. In a matter of time you could find that those thick locks you boasted to your friends about have thinned and that successful job that bought you endless gifts has gone belly up and you’re living the “normal” life.

Social media doesn’t matter

Your extended friends on facebook are not exactly spending their moments saying oh did you see the guy so and so is dating he has the largest nose….well if they are re-assess your friends and remember social media is the most superficial. Don’t be swayed by what you think people will like on social media, go for what you and you alone feel happy with.

Be Open to change:

People change, you can’t help that. Life stressors, kids, age and health all impact on a person and they inevitably change as they get older. You can’t change anyone else but you yourself have to be open to change. You have to try and be flexible to keep your best interests balanced with those of you partner and if it’s not a balance it wont work now or the future.

I’m not saying don’t have a list or don’t have standards. No I’m saying use them as a rough guide, and if someone doesn’t fit the mould but they make you laugh, you get on and you have similar interests, give them a moment of your time because if it works you may surprise yourself and find “your one”! Or you might end up with a new friend and a new way to find the next “one”.

Happy loving lovers 🙂

hearts